Ever seen the bumper sticker that says, “It’ll be a great day when education gets all the money it wants and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy bombers”?
Well, schools in Massachusetts are going to have to find something else to sell.
That’s because Lauren Smith, medical director of the state’s Department of Health, she’s a Ph.D. you know, and Sen. Susan Fargo, chairwoman of the Joint Committee on Public Health, have a brilliant solution to the obesity “epidemic”:
To ban bake sales at public schools.
“This is a major public health problem and these kids deserve a chance at a good, long healthy life,” the senator was quoted as saying in The Boston Herald.
Look at that quote again.
Sen. Fargo believes government, which can’t figure out how to deliver mail without losing money, is the key to kids in Massachusetts living long, healthy lives.
And therefore, she believes bake sales are an impediment to that goal and deserve to be banned.
No cupcakes for you!
If it weren’t for crusaders like Sen. Fargo, kids in Massachusetts would live short, sickly lives on the verge of sugar-induced comas, unable to roll their flabby bodies out of their bariatric beds from all the apple fritters they ate at unregulated bake sales.
What ever did the children of Massachusetts do before Sen. Fargo?
Thankfully, others have their back. State officials, according to the newspaper, “are pushing schools to expand the ban 24/7 to include evening, weekend and community events such as banquets, door-to-door candy sales and football games.”
So how are schools going to pay for things like trips to Guatemala, which parent Maura Dawley says she helped fund with candy bars?
I know, what about selling apples and bananas?
“The goal is to raise money,” Dawley said. “You’re going to be able to sell pizza. You’re not going to get that selling apples and bananas. It’s silly.”